Apple Cider Mini-Muffins And Evolving Thoughts On The Binge Monster

I thought I would share a little experience with you today. It doesn't have a conclusion, and there's no neat bow I can wrap it in. I have no tidbit of wisdom to give you, only an idea that's been winding it's way around my legs the way a cat might curl its tail around you. Do you remember me talking about my "binge monster?" Since I've been writing this blog, I've had an image in my head of a furry creature, much like Mercer Meyer's Little Critter. I know, not exactly a big scary monster, right? But that's the image that came to me, and I've stuck with it. This summer, I was reading a book on food addiction, and the author recommended doing some visualization. He wanted me to imagine myself vanquishing that monster. So I tried. I pictured myself as my favorite book heroine, beating the bad guys. I tried picturing myself with a sword (no guns - even in my fantasies I don't like them), attacking the monster. Well, can you imagine what happened? I started feeling really bad. Poor little critter, right? I'm just not a vanquishing monsters kind of girl. I mean, monsters have feelings too.

So I gave up on the visualization. I've never been very good at that anyway. Ask me to picture a peaceful stream and I'll see crashing waves. My mind is pretty stubborn and doesn't like to be told what to do. Maybe there's a lesson in that? Anyway, I went for a walk one day, and my mind began to wander. I can't remember what I was thinking about. Bingeing, visualizations, little critters, biochemistry exams, my impending move to Seattle...take your pick. Suddenly an image came to me. It was my binge monster. Except it was a tiger. Not a scary tiger, but a sweet, cuddly, soft tiger that only wanted to be petted.

Huh. So all this time I've been demonizing something in me that only wanted love. Now, at this point you might be thinking, "Well duh, Iris. I could have told you that. We overeat to fill a space in ourselves that's missing something." Okay, yes, I knew that. But there's knowing and there's knowing. My mind clearly did not like me running around with a sword, swinging at everything with abandon. So it gave me an image I could work with.

What do I do with that image? That's something I'm still working on. I've got a lot of ideas, I'm doing some work, and yes, even some visualizations. But no swords this time. Just lots of love. And part of that is allowing myself to enjoy comforting food. Which is where my "fluffy clouds of goodness" come in.

Quite an introduction for muffins, right? These puff up while they bake and are best warm from the oven. However, they settle into a perfect "muffin" texture, so you can definitely save some for your lunch the next day.
 Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. In a large bowl, whisk the dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, whisk together the eggs, apple cider, coconut cream*, agave nectar, and grapeseed oil. Stir the wet ingredients into the dry. Spoon into greased mini-muffin tins. Bake for 12-15 minutes. *I learned this tip from Shirley. If you put coconut milk in the fridge, the cream will rise to the top. I scoop the cream from the top for this recipe.