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Brain gnomes..
are what I wish I had bouncing around in my skull right now instead of ED.
Boy, was he having a field day today. The day before weighing in is always rough. Anxiety attacks. Kaput self-esteem. Irritability. Poor decision-making. Fun, no? I wish I could do away with my scale forever (Hello, Golden Gate Bridge.), but until I reach 115+... NOT. GOING. TO HAPPEN. Ugh. Does anyone else restrict before a weigh-in? I need to break this habit. Because it's silly. And icky. And unhealthy. Anywhosers. I'm updating later than I had planned, because piano and I were making passionate musical love tonight, and I got carried away. Oopsie. So...let's get this Morgan show on the road! Today DID get off to a good start.  Activia yogurt, chai tea, pear, and lemon biscotti. For dunkin', of course. Biscotti + Chai = MOUTHGASM. I kicked off my mornin' at school with a fun in-class essay on "Bartleby", which I utterly squished with my enormous brainpower. Yeah, it's rough being a genius. But I can handle it. ;] (SARCASM) Easypeasy classes. Lunch was the most difficult part of school, actually. Which it really should not be. *LUNCHIE* Ham and cheese sammich, Nutter Butters, and a few sips of Vitamin water. I couldn't even finish the mini bottle...ED was literally screaming at me. Truly and honestly, I felt like bursting into tears. But that wouldn't go over well, of course. So...I whipped out my trusty mask of giggles and smiles, and everything was fine and dandy. On the surface. After school, Kevin and I chillaxed at my place for a bit, which helped. Sort of. He makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. It's like this magical ED-repelling aura that surrounds him, which is lovely when he's around... But, of course, he can't ALWAYS be around. When he left, I spiraled into an ED pity party, and did some things I'm not detailing here for triggering-avoidance. And because I'm just ashamed. =/ Oh, and "snack" this afternoon was almond milk and a tiny bit of Kev's banana nut Odwalla bar. Which is entirely negligible, and will not be counted towards today's intake. Ugh. If I had a detachable leg, I would be kicking myself for that. By din din, fortunately, I had somewhat gotten back on my feet.  Mediterranean (spelled right on first try! PWNED.) curry couscous and salad with turkey, tomato, and raspberry vinaigrette. Yumskies. Nooo complaints. Was gonna chop up that termater. But...it was so... Perfect. You can't dice a perfect tomato! THE SACRILEGE. OH! And I snacked on some turkey whilst cooking. Despite my epic failure with ED today, I do consider that to be one of the day's small successes. I used to be a huge snacker (Morgan munchies, I called them. =D), but when I was put on (read: condemned to) a meal plan I somehow developed this irrational fear of eating outside of established mealtimes. Anyone else had this dealio? I'm sure I'm not all by me onesy here. So anyhow, after din din I was still a bit hungray (OH GOSHGOLLY I WONDER WHY >=/) and pooped from the long week. Ergo:  Haagen Daz + Heroes = Squee!'Cept.. THE WORLD IS SLANTING. O.O Mum and I had a little chat tonight, which calmed me down a teeny bit. She noticed that I haven't been eating my entire lunch, (I kind of pick-and-choose from what she gives me) and is worried that I'm still too disordered to trot off to college without relapsing. For some reason, it's reassuring that I can't get away clean with those behaviors. But disappointing that she still believes I'm that unstable. Am I? I don't really trust myself enough to respond to that. ...Which is probably an indication of the actual answer. Apologies, m'loves. Better hopes for tomorrah. =] Edit: Sheesh! I must be REALLY out of it. I forgot that the lovely Lauren and Jemima tagged me with this guy:  I've never received an award before! You girlies brightened my icky day. =D I wish I could tag EVERYONE on my list, because all of y'all are just so dern amazing. However, it's almost midnight and I need mah beauteh sleep. Therefore, I pick: Erin Brooke Emily Kiki and Sophia Now bedtime. Luffs and sweet dreams!  related searches : Brain
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