Kiwi accent sux (Oz 13)

I?ve lived in Australia now for four years and I?ve grown very fond of the place, particularly Melbourne.



I?m not a complete foreigner. My maternal grandfather was born in Footscray in 1891 and worked there as a butcher. He used to travel to New Zealand to work in the freezing works at Waitara, Taranaki during the local killing season. It was there he met and married my grandmother and stayed on. I ended up with relatives both sides of the Tasman.



Melbourne now feels like home, particularly since we recently bought a home here. OK. There are a few things I still find strange - sliced bread is too thick. Sandwich slice is what Kiwis call toast slice. And the zucchini are allowed to grow too large before being sent to market.



People are frequently surprised when we say we?re Kiwis. ?You don?t sound like Kiwis,? they say. Only very occasionally will someone pick up on a phrase or word and ask where we?re from.



At college we had an ex-Thespian, Daphne Knight, who tried to teach the ?gels? to speak prrrrroperly, rolling our rrrs and polishing our vowels. Perhaps I had been paying attention for once?



I doubt it. I can remember reciting T S Elliot ad nauseum ?The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows, are proud and implacable passionate foes?? long before Cats was written. But I think I left Miss Knight?s lessons in the classroom.



On recent trips back across the ditch I started listening closely to my countrymen to see if I could identify the Kiwi accent I apparently didn?t have.



Kiwis frequently have a rising inflection at the end of their sentences which makes them sound like they are posing a question or seeking affirmation or approval, rather than making a statement ? ?And then we?re going down to the shops? And we?re going to buy some groceries??



Then I started noticing ?halth? for health, alectricity, moolk for milk. My home city had become Wullington, And all this was from television reporters.



I was watching the food channel one night when I realised I was listing to a pure, unadulterated Kiwi accent. TV chef Richard Till was in full flight. ?Chucken?, ?fush?, ?diluscious?,?rilly?, ?muxer?, ?trup?, ?frutters?. Hooh!









Ah, but someone likes the Kiwi accent. It was recently rated the most attractive and prestigious form of English outside the UK, according to a BBC survey.



It was the sixth most socially attractive accent, placed above the Queen's English (seventh) and well ahead of Australian (13th) and American English (15th).



Seexth, would you beloyve! We?ve boyten Aussies at sometheeng at last. Darl!