Make Her Swoon Through Actions and Seafood Curry

Men’s Health ran this list of 41 Ways to Make Her Swoon.  I think they’re off by quite a few.

1. Ask her to dance.

-You better know how to dance…and not do The Lawnmower/Cabbage Patch/Running Man or you’ll just embarrass us.

2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.

-You better only be doing this if you’re trying to talk to us and my hair is annoying you because it’s actually hitting you in the face.

3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk toward her as soon as you see her.

-You don’t need to walk toward us, just smile.  We may be walking toward you to get away from someone/something else.

4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.

-Yeah, this would be nice…instead of just jumping on top of us.

5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.

-More importantly, introduce us as your friend, girlfriend, or wife instead of just by our name (and no pet names – ever)

6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.

-Don’t do that, we’ll assume you’ve got the hots for her and you’re just trying to make us feel better.

7. Call her when you’re feeling sad.

-But don’t let us know that you’re feeling sad unless there’s been a death in your family.

8. Kiss her eyelids.

-Like when we’re cuddling or if we’re sad and you’re holding us, not when we’re at a restaurant, walking through the mall, or talking on the phone.

9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.

-This is only appropriate if we’ve been together for a while, not after dating for only 2 weeks.

10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.

-Yep, this one works.  But try washing our hair too…we like having our heads massaged as much as you do.

11. If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.

-If you do this know that it is only to listen to us cry more…you are not to try to “fix” anything unless asked.

12. Stand her naked on a sturdy chair and lick between her legs.

-Let’s just skip this one…for so many reasons.

13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.

-Only do this if you want to piss us off.  The only people who ever called us like that were our parents, when we were in trouble.

14. Buy her your favorite rock album of all time on vinyl.

-Be aware that this gesture will be completely lost on us

15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.

-Do this ONLY if you remember exactly how we like it.  Otherwise just ask us and then order it.

16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.

-Only do this if you can definitely get us out of the car without whacking our head on the car or doorways.

17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.

-This would be fantastic…we won’t hold our breath.

18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.

-Um, not anything.  A card (that you actually write something on) or a note would be very nice.

19. When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.

-Only if we are feeling insecure about our relationship.  Insecurity about our jobs, looks, or friends is something completely different.

20. Call her just before you get on the plane.

-And just say hello or that you’ll  miss her.  Don’t call her to remind her to do something.

21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.

-Notice that it doesn’t also say to give her crap about it.

22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.

-Don’t try to make us laugh when we’re down, just try to make us feel better….and not by trying to fix the problem.

23. Take her to see your favorite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.

-Take her to see her favorite sport and pay attention (even if it’s figure skating).

24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.

-Stand up when she leaves the table to go to the bathroom…and when she returns.

25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice.

-Unless she likes your John Hamm 5 o’clock stubble.

26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.

-Don’t give us a reason to feel jealous.

27. Worship her breasts.

-Don’t just consider them a speed bump on the way to the promised land.

28. Give her jewelry.

-If you’re going the jewelry route it better be really expensive or something cute we’ve been eyeing…nothing in between.

29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)

-This one is a sure fire winner.  Better, is if you greet us with an open towel in your outstretched arms.

30. Ask her specific questions about her work.

-Positive things like: how’s the work on Marc’s case going? or how did your quarterly sales forecast presentation go?

31. Keep her favorite cereal on hand.

-Along with the kind of milk she likes in it, even if it’s Rice Milk.

32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.

-Don’t do this if you’re having a serious conversation about money or real estate.

33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.

-Send us nice flowers to work, not a bouquet that’s the size of a Mini Cooper.  That just let’s everyone in our office know that you screwed up.  We like to keep some of our private lives, private.

34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.

-A romantic gesture for sure but 1. make sure we like camping and 2. make sure you know how to start a fire.

35. Moan her name when she goes down on you.

-Practice this before doing it.  If you sound creepy or goofy we’ll stop – immediately.

36. Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.

-Load the cd player with her favorite cd’s.  We don’t need anyone to read to us.

37. Offer to fix something in her apartment that you realize is broken.

-Just fix it, if you know how to.  If not, hire someone to fix it.

38. Notice when she’s wearing something new.

-Don’t just notice it, compliment us in it.

39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.

-Yeah, this is one we can agree with.

40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.

-Whisper something in our ear, that you want to do to us later, that makes us blush in front of your friends.

41. If she’s too stressed to want sex . . .

a) Draw a bath for her.

b) Give her a full-body massage.

c) Ask if she wants to wrestle.

-We can agree with these as well.

Relationship Advice

I would add that if your guy truly wants to make you swoon, he’ll offer to cook you dinner and clean up.  Of course my suggested meal would be this seafood curry recipe and it really is simple and makes for easy cleanup.  Perfect for our guys.  Hint hint