Rubber Ninja vs Energy Drinks (Part II)

Rubber Ninja presents.... a comprehensive guide to Energy Drinks! (Part Two)

I always reach for the Red Bull when in need of a caffeine-hit.

But with the explosion of energy drinks on the market, I just had to know what I was missing out on.

Which one provides the most energy?
Which one tastes the best?
Which ones don't work?

To recap:

Part One reviewed Samedi, Mother, You'll Love Coles' "Zu- Ballistic", Monster, Rockstar, Smart Energy and V.

Winner: ROCKSTAR.
Runner up: draw between Monster and Mother.

Consensus seems to be that most of the kick comes from the Caffeine and Sugar content, as the concentrations of everything else (guarana, ginseng etc) are not large enough to have any effect.

Again, results of course are subjective and aren?t the result of stringent empirical testing.
For objective comparison I?ve done up a side-by-side table of the good stuff in each can, scaled to a standardised volume (250ml).


After recovering from the previous caffeine-bonanza, here's the low-down on the rest:


Monster: Lo-Carb (500ml)
"Tear into a can of the meanest energy drink on the planet, Lo-Carb MONSTER ENERGY. We went down to the lab and performed major surgery on the Monster. We hacked out carbohydrates and calories, transplanted the massive buzz and dialed in the flavor. Lo-Carb MONSTER ENERGY still delivers the big bad buzz you know and love, but only has a fraction of the calories."

Taste: I flippin' hate the metallic taste artificial sweetners, so I delayed trying this for a long time. But once tried, this has become my new favourite!!!! Sweet, no "cat's piss" taste, no metallic after-taste and 2 calories. Brilliant.

Kick: Concerned however at the lack of the good stuff, y'know, the REAL SUGAR, as this seems to be where a lot of the energy kick comes from.
Curiously, it also has less caffeine than it's Original cousin too (15mg), but the same amount of Taurine.
I definitely don't feel the same alertness as its fully-sugared Big Bad Brother, "Monster Original", but it's enough to get by.





Superman (250ml)
"Energy of a HERO. SUPERMAN Energy Drink is a deliciously refreshing drink that contains Taurine and Caffeine. It helps to charge physical & mental performance throughout the day by providing extra energy to your body"

YAWN.

Taste: like Red Bull, but a little sweeter in a nasty kind of way.

Kick: Definitely not faster than a speeding bullet.
Or a train.
Or a car.
Or a tram.
Or a bicycle.
Maybe a kiddie on a tricycle.
Faster than a sloth.
Maybe.
ENERGY FAIL.






Rockstar Juiced: Mango, Orange, Passionfruit (473ml)

Another combo i've been avoiding: the carbonated fruit-drinks *shudder*

"ROCKSTAR JUICED is scientifically formulated for those who lead active and exhausting life-styles- from athletes to rock stars. "

Taste: It's alright for a juice. The combination of bubbles and fruit-drink with the tartness of the traditional energy drink is a bit foul for my liking, but it might be a fantastic alternative for those who can't stand the "Red Bull" taste.

Kick: Same energy-kick as it's normal flavoured Rockstar, which won Round One.










Coca-Cola: Cherry (330ml)

Ok, it's not an energy drink per se, but when I spotted this baby in the fridge of The Original Lolly Store (239 Lygon St, Carlton) I had to have another taste of the cherry-cola deliciousness. Tres Retro.

Taste: nom nom nom nom. I love Cherry Coke. Best flavour ever.

Kick: Well, it's not fair to compare with the rest as Coke tends to have a feather-weight amount of caffeine (but a choc-load of sugar). It's good for a gentle buzz.











Wicked (375ml)

"Wicked is not for the faint-hearted... its combination of caffeine and taurine will get your heart pumping and your body racing. Hell, it may even convince you to get the tat you've always wanted. So get wicked. "

Umm, totally wikid man. Stick it to the 'rents.

Artwork on the can is pretty amazing though.

Taste: Again, everything tries to be a Red-Bull rip-off. This is a slightly sweeter, less offensive version.

Kick: Meh. Doesn't do all that much.









Red Bull: Cordial? (150ml)

They didn't invent the saying "Curiosity killed the cat" for no reason...

I love Asian corner stores. They have strange imported beverages with non-English scribe appealing to the adventurer in me. (anybody know the translation?)

Taste: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! Holy smokes, it's uncarbonated Red Bull sugar syrup. It's a thick, sugar-rific liquid which i drank very very slowly. Spotting the "10" in the corner, I did wonder if this was supposed to be diluted to make, say, 10 Red Bulls???


Kick: Turning to the label, the English translation says there are 1.5 servings per 150ml bottle, so I guess it's not a cordial. It does have close to 2.5 times the Taurine of anything i've reviewed so far.
Most terrifying is the sugar content, which if not a typo, is a whopping 240g of sucrose. I feel ill. This stuff makes you more than a little loopy and is actually counterproductive.






Mother: Surge (500ml)
I got excited and thought this was an even higher caffeine-content drink than the original Mother, which won Runner-Up in Round One. I was wrong :(

It's another *shudder* Carbonated fruit-juice energy drink

"MOTHER Surge sends a MOTHERload of orange flavoured energy rushing down your throat and POW!!... you're electrifying! Ok a bit of an oversell, but hey, you're reading a can an obviously need to be entertained. You won't be bored for long because once MOTHER's massive energy hit kicks in you'll be ready to master the universe...sorry, we can't help ourselves "

I can't help but fall in love with their marketing department.

Taste: less offensive than Rockstar's Orange (and other mungy flavours) counterpart. Still gross for me, but again, you might like the idea of a fizzy juice and energy hit in one.

Kick: same as it's Mother (original) buddy. Woop woop woop wopp!!! *runs in circles*



RESULTS: ROUND TWO










Best of group Two: Monster Lo-Carb!!
great taste, low carb, same Taurine. Less sugar, but is worth the compromise.

Runner-up group Two: Superman

Disqualification: Red Bull cordial for health concerns. Seriously, that stuff is revolting and not worth the amount of Taurine


RESULTS: ROUND ONE










Best of group One: Rockstar
Runner-up(s): Mother/Monster

OVERALL ENERGY DRINK CHAMPION of CHAMPIONS???

Monster: Lo-Carb
For the Carb/Sugar conscious

Mother
For the rest of us


Uh oh...There might be a part three. I've spotted energy drink shooters at 7-Elevens....

(And I'm still trying to get my hands on a Slow Cow anti-energy drink... send me one plz? Thanks)