Saturday

Today was the hardest day yet.

Two weeks ago we went to the beach for a family vacation.

One week ago we spent the day at TBHITW's wake and funeral mass.

Today, we, became I.

Saturday and Sunday mornings were always special in this house. I am a spoiled, pampered woman.

TBHITW always got up before me.

Every morning he brought me coffee in bed. Like I said, spoiled and pampered.

He would bring me my coffee and climb back into bed and we would talk about the day ahead of us.

Where were the kidadults? Who had to work? Where was he going? When would he be home? Would he need me to pack his lunch? What did I have scheduled?

On the weekend the conversation would last longer. Sometimes he would bring the New York Times into bed and would read me the news of the day. At times this would annoy me as I was trying to read the sections that interested me (ie: social, married, what's happening). I would eventually give up and just lean my head on his shoulder and let him educate me as to the happenings of the world.

Today I got up, retrieved the NYTimes from the driveway, tossed it into the recycling bin and cried.

I really have no interest in the "news of the day".

The youngest (16) asked if he could invite several of his camp counselor friends over for a cook-out. It was a welcome reprieve from sadness.

I cooked hamburgers and hot dogs, fresh corn on the cob, sliced tomatoes from the garden and served it all up fresh and hot for hungry teens. TBHITW would have loved it. Many hungry mouths around a big kitchen table. I'm glad Zach got to act like a 16 year old. He is much too young (and old before his time) for any of this.

I used to look forward to weekends. Now I just want them to be over.

Loneliness. The word for today.