Slaying the Diet Soda Dragon

The new “Skinny” Diet Pepsi can design, specially made for NYC fashion week, next to the human skeleton.

I’ve had this sordid off and on again love affair with diet soda for the past ten years. If you know me, you might be able to testify to just how much I loved the stuff. If you were one of my diet soda drinking buddies you might remember some of our good times together. When I was bartending I’d enjoy more ounces of it than I could keep track of in an evening. I fondly called this sweet nectar of the gods, Diet Crack.

Diet Crack seemed an apt name for my less than ideal and definitely unhealthy relationship with diet soda. I’d wake up and open a little can, enjoying the carbonated goodness with a cigarette during the real “glory” days of my early twenties. This phase lasted an epic year and a half before I gave up both smoking and diet soda. I’d banished diet soda from my life knowing full well that the sweetener in diet soda is known to have caused cancer in lab rats, lead to weight gain, and even in some cases Type II diabetes. The awesome things I just listed can happen if you’re consuming more than one can a day. Do you doubt the siren song of my hippie sounding claims?

Why don’t you check out this article from the Mayo Clinic? It’s one of the most highly regarded medical centers in the United States and provides plenty of great information online about all different kinds of health and nutrition related quandaries.

The idea to do a blog post about diet soda has been slow cooking for a month or so. Then today, serendipitously good old Mark Bittman tweets a link to this article, by Tom Philpot. I have no idea who this Tom Philpot guy is but a lot of other food folk seem to hold his opinion in high regard. This new article by Tom might really inspire you to get off the sauce.

By sauce, specifically I mean Diet Pepsi, but this also applies to those who occasionally dabble in the world of Diet Coke. To break it down for you in case you’re not interested in reading dude’s article (hopefully you’re still reading my railing rant) -> New evidence from a recent study shows that artificial sweetener in diet soda can lead to stroke(s).

I don’t really want to get into the politics of the two super mega cola companies and how they’ve raped and pillaged their way to global market supremacy. I’m talking about crappy labor practices, privatizing water, etc. If you’re interested in reading more, specifically on Coca Cola’s crappy practices this is a good place to start. Check out some of the reference sites, I never completely trust Wikipedia, but it’s always a good place to begin gathering information. If you really want to freak yourself out about Pepsi, check out this corporate profile, prepared by the Polaris Institute, it’s a PDF file with almost too much information.

I fell off the diet soda wagon at a 4th of July family reunion last year, after not having a drop of diet soda for years. I picked up the most beautiful water-bead dripping cold can of Diet Pepsi from a cooler in my mom’s backyard. That first soda spiked an epic Diet Pepsi bender that lasted months. I’d shamefully drive out to the valley to buy the largest case possible. My Diet Pepsi was stashed in the cool stairway leading up to my attic, guaranteeing a cool soda. I’d bring three cans to work and drink them throughout the morning and into the afternoon instead of coffee. I’m going to be completely honest: if I did have water, usually it was soda water that I drank.

My last dance with DP was a long and feverish tango, one that I’ll never forget. I decided I had to break up with DP in January, the beginning of session was around the corner and my new co-worker would be sharing an office with me in mere weeks. I didn’t want to shamefully drink diet soda in a bathroom stall before work in the morning to avoid the discerning gaze of my office mate.

I went cold turkey on a Saturday, the process of letting my beloved crutch go was surprisingly difficult. I actually got physically ill that day. I felt like I had a heinous hangover, complete with a full head and body ache for most the day. I woke up fairly early that morning, but by mid-afternoon I was lying on the couch and feeling like I had a serious case of the South Franklin Street Flu. I made it through that day and I’m happy to report that I’ve successfully quit drinking diet soda. I know my sobriety is still young, but I’m taking it one day at a time.

This is my second month of not drinking diet soda and I feel so much better. I’ve started bringing my old water bottle back to work with me, filling it up twice a day so that I stay properly hydrated. My skin is clearer, my eyes brighter, and my attitude about life being rad is even radder. Sure, I’m still drinking coffee, but it’s nothing like chasing that Diet Cola dragon. It felt like I always needed just one more can, one more bottle, one more delicious artificially flavored swig of everything that’s wrong with America.

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