Thoughtful Thursday ? Feminism. Friend or Foe?

For some reason the last couple of days I have thought a lot about being a woman.  The unbelievable balancing act we all perform on a daily basis.  The times we are completely off balance.  Sometime falling flat on our faces, only to find ourselves at the top of the heap the next minute. Several conversations I have been a part of have turned to the very broad subject of women.  I have discussed everything from how hard women who are successful have to scratch and claw and live down their success to what a price a woman pays for such successes.

Don’t beat me up too bad for my views on this subject.  I talk myself in and out of things all the time!  I am very VERY capable of arguing both sides of many arguments.  Not that I am arguing but I tend to be a debater even in my own head!

I doubt there has ever been a man who has had to ask himself if he could juggle work and family.  Not to say their role is easier.  It is just different.  Women and men are as different as night and day.  Therefore how we react, what we want, how we get what we want, and how others accept us is different as well.

My husband and I have a healthy respect for the roles each of us plays in our marriage.  I have seen his job (from a good distance) and I want no part other than to support him.  And he says the same of mine.  Though I don’t think that is true really.  I don’t really do anything that he can’t do and some times better than I.  Honestly we make one heck of a force to be reckoned with.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.  ~Anaïs Nin

At times I have felt somewhat inferior to my husband.  But I can honestly say I have never felt inferior to men in general.  And believe me, my husband has never made me to feel inferior.  Anytime I have been in that horrible place, it has been my own doing.  Likely some sort of “hysterics” as some like to refer to our moody, hormonal crankiness.  In fact Jerry treats me quite the opposite.  It seems sometimes he honestly believes I can do anything I set out to do.  Not always true but that is one of the many things I love about him.  He has always treated me as his equal – or more.

Much of my thoughts on women and roles in family, work and society have been the result of far too much time spent watching seasons 1-3 of Mad Men.  After an episode tonight I just blurted out “We had to burn our bras.   They gave us no other choice.” Of course I meant it figuratively.  I pay too much for my bras to set fire to them ;)

How quickly it was forgotten the role women played in the successful outcome of our armed forces during WWII.  Rosie the Riveter is an Icon – based on real women, who stepped up to a task and accomplished things that frankly seem to have been forgotten by many. Women not only had to hold down the fort, but they had to provide the ammunition.

I suppose being raised by very liberal parents,  it was even more absurd to me that we had to fight to vote, to work, to be educated, to have dominion over our bodies and very likely the reason I have no regrets for my choice to be a wife and mother instead of another profession. I have never felt like I had to apologize or feel inferior because I am less educated than some and my payment “for services rendered” doesn’t come in the form of a check.  But the payment far exceeds anything I could have hoped for, had I known what to hope for.  I always believed I could do and be anything I set my mind to.  And I am happy to report I have been successful so far.  There have been rough patches, disappointments, hardships – but whose life hasn’t had those things and more?  Yet, I always knew I was doing what I was meant to do.

Alas, times have changed.  Some good changes, some not good.  Women still get paid 70 cents on the $1 for the same job as a man. That might never change. Women still have to run as “the woman candidate” instead of just “the candidate”.  Science/Medicine/the pharmaceutical industry have spent untold money and man hours on “THE little blue pill” and we still have to have fundraisers for breast cancer research.  Why? I have my theories, but won’t subject you to them today.

So as we walk the tightrope that our lives become sometimes, and teeter on the brink of one disaster or another, it is ever so difficult to meet the demand of the situation and still remain feminine.  What would be seen in a man as strong in the face of adversity, likely would be seen as overbearing or aggressive in a woman.  Double standards will always exist I suppose.

What can we do?  Support each other.  That’s one thing we CAN do.  Women could see their commonality rather than their differences.  Women, of all people, should be able to see past color, religion, creed, sexual orientation, politics.  We have the capacity to influence so many.  We are strong.  We are capable.  We, so many times, hold the future in our arms.  It is an awesome responsibility to be a woman in the free world.  It is also an amazing privilege.  In all that responsibility and privilege comes an obligation to all other women.  Support women owned businesses, read women authors, educate ourselves about women in history and the sacrifices they made.  Study the plight of women who don’t know freedom from oppression and fear of harm.  And if you can, get involved. Teach yourself about how other women, in other parts of the world live. Then teach others.

And whatever we do, be true to ourselves.  Be proud. Respect ourselves and raise our daughters to be the same.

There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.  ~Madeleine K. Albright