Let those without sin, cask the first Stone?

                Ah, Mondays. You either love them or you hate them, (I myself typically belonging to the latter group), but either way, you know that they?re gonna happen and they?re gonna be the initial determinant of the outcome of your week.  And like most Mondays, this one was particularly hectic, having me crave a stiff one within the first ten minutes of entering my office. In fact the only thing that helped me make it through the day was the fact that it was CBW, and I knew I?d have one (or five) waiting for me by the end of the evening.

Now, if I told you that I spent my Monday getting Stoned in a Cave, you?d either think I was a member of Al-Qaida or a hippy vagabond, most likely finding it hard to believe that this was the most fun things I?ve done on a Monday in forever. But in my defense, I am not a Muslim nor am I a pothead- just a Midwestern girl with an unusual enthusiasm for high-quality barley pop who lives near one of the coolest wine bars in the city?La Cave Du Vin. Don?t let the sexy name fool you, La Cave du Vin is the East-side?s defense to the pub-obsessed West Side; this classy, almost-secretive, underground adega  is not only home to the best wine selection in town, but also happens to have an unparalleled assortment of unique beers from microbrews  to Trappist ales to lambics. It?s no wonder that Stone Brewery, one of the most respected in the US, would travel across country to have this little booze grotto host their Vintage Tasting.

Now do you understand why Stone saved my Monday? Well, whether you do or don?t, read on?

Stone Brewery, in my opinion, is a slap in the face to most other American Breweries, zymurgically distinct in its dedication to maintaining balance, depth, and purity when creating their craft beers. Take their famous Arrogant Bastard Ale?even the name kicks some serious ass, and pretty much perfectly describes its taste, which is chuck-full of attitude. According to Stone itself, it is defined as ?an aggressive beer. You probably won?t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory-maybe something with a million-dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it?s made at a little brewery, or that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think that million-dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps your mouthing your words as you read this. Arrogance: The act or quality of being arrogant; undo assumption; overbearing conceit; haughty.? BeerAdvocate, on the other hand, describes it as a medium-bodied American Strong Ale with big hops, toasty malt, and a slightly sweet caramelly finish.  I, personally, describe this beer as a delicious ?hop-bomb? that leaves my tongue feeling like Hiroshima via 1945, and my stomach warm with delight. Take into consideration, though, that this is their most widely distributed beer; what we sampled were their VINTAGE selections. (That?s right, get jealous. )

Now because I have this knack for being slightly late to most things,  it should come of no surprise to anyone that I would have been tardy  to  the tasting, but in my defense, it wasn?t entirely my fault; consequently, when I came home from work to change for the tasting, my roommate (a psych major) was giving this test to a student of hers, so I had to creep around my house. And because I don?t have stellar coordination, ?creeping? around my apartment quickly turned into ?bumbling? around my apartment, forcing me to take extra long to leave the house. To add humiliation to the frustration with being late, I realized only as I was leaving that she had been videotaping the entire test, so my carefully chosen curse words were etched permanently in her project. Great. 

To make a long story short, by the time I arrived at the tasting, I was 3 ?tastes? behind, and proceeded to step up to the plate and play catch-up. On an empty stomach. Repeat after me: ROYALLY. BAD. IDEA. I mean, the beers were absolutely AMAZING, but the aftermath was, well? not so much. But I digress,-- all of the running around, the hectic day at work, and ruining my roommates project were but whispers in the wind after I tried these delectable vintage beers.

Our vertical tasting started with none other than the Vertical Epic 2004 (aka-Stone 04.04.04 because it was created on the 4th of April of 2004); a very pale Belgian ale, not too strong or overly flavorful, but who?s notes of honey, peach, and possibly coriander. There?s a lot going on for such a seemingly mild ale, making it, to my surprise, my favorite of first set of three we tried. This was quickly followed with the Vertical Epic 2009 (remember, I was playing catch-up?). This Dark Belgium Strong ale was absolutely great; just like Marty had described, it smelled like coffee, and raisin and even had a little bit of a peppery tinge to it. The taste was not that much different than the smell, but the bitter hops come through with a punch and there was even a smokey essence that I picked up on. What a different beer, but it wasn?t as yeasty as many other dark Belgium I had; which could be a good or bad thing depending on who you are I guess.

After the vertical of Verticals (haha), came the Imperial Stouts. Like Kings behind the Pawns these brews advanced in taste and complexity. Now, you have to understand, I am a stout chick; my springboard beer being Guinness, the one that started it all. So I am extremely judgmental of these dark beers, and I don?t know whether it was the fact that I had just basically pounded two pours of vintage Vertical Epics immediately before, but I could not find a single thing wrong with this series of brews. The progression of the three, from the 2006 to the 2008 to the 2009 was absolutely astounding. The way they stood up to each other showcased the great ability of the beer to mature and to become something otherworldly as far as stouts go. I honestly have no idea how any real brew enthusiast could have such an amazing brew sitting in their house for that many years without breaking it open to enjoy? what an incredible test of will. Overall, the Russian Imperial Stouts are hard to describe; they are as black as night in the glass, reminiscent of my friend Innocent, with a thick mouth feel. To me, the predominant tastes in all three were those of molasses and roasted malt, the only thing really differing between the three of them being the overwhelming amount of alcohol-taste. Actually, I take that back; the 2006 actually seemed to have kind of a chocolaty aftertaste, but not like milk-chocolate, although the beer is creamy, more like a dark cocoa. All in all, I say ?all hail to the king of stouts!? understanding why it?s rated among the top 10 beers in the world by Ratebeer and Beeradvocate.

After five decent ?tastes? of some of the strongest beers in America, I was, needless to say, slightly tipsy. (Okay, maybe ?slightly? is a slight understatement?) And because I opted to not have dinner before I went into a beer tasting, it can only be expected that I?d get the munchies, sending E out on a Jimmy Johns run while I sipped chugged some quality Cleveland city water. Eventually I somehow ended up that night playing vagabond half-way up Coventry road, and waking up the next morning having used my pashmina as a blanket. Yikes.

So the moral of the story: Stone= kickass. Stone on an empty stomach=kicks you?re ass.