Slab O? Chocolate? Don?t Mind If I Do.

Sometimes you just want a big, fat, in-your-face chocolate dessert.  And somehow, making one of Them and eating it doesn’t feel quite as obnoxious as sitting on the couch eating fudge sauce by the spoonful.  Although it kind of is.  But don’t think about that.  Think about all the chocolate-y goodness and how your friends and family will Oooh and Aaah and think that you are Gifted.  Think about the adulation you will receive from your co-workers.  You.  Are a Chocolate Rock Star.

And this, friends, is where the terrine comes in.  Terrine is the name of the pan you use and it is the name of the dish itself.  Very nice.  Like tagine, except not.   This is made to be sliced Thinly, but you are the Rock Star, so you can slice it how you want.  If you don’t have a terrine, make this in a small-ish loaf pan or any other rectangular-type pan you have lying around.

There are uncooked eggs in this recipe, so don’t make this if a) you are 18 months old.  Of course, if you are 18 months old, kudos on being able to read, but go eat a carrot or a Zwieback or something.  Come back when you’re older and are allowed to use the stove.  Also, don’t make this if b) your immune system is compromised.  If it is, I hope you get better soon so you can make and eat this.  Lastly, you might not want to make this if you’re c) a billion.  But, on the other hand, you’ve made it this far, so it’s your call.  Of course, if it will make you feel Safer and Better, you can use pasteurized eggs.

Live On The Edge Chocolate Terrine

12 oz. excellent quality chopped dark chocolate (I like a nice 64%)
8 oz. unsalted butter
heavy pinch of salt
1 oz. nut butter–hazelnut, cashew, almond, peanut, whatever (provides a certain Je Ne Sais Quoi)
8 egg yolks
4 egg whites
2 teaspoons sugar (I know)
4.5 oz heavy cream into which you have steeped 2 TBSP cracked coffee beans overnight.  So, unlike me, plan ahead
5.3 oz 10x sugar (1 1/3 cups)
1/3 cup cocoa powder (I haven’t done this conversion yet)

Thoroughly whisk together the 10x and cocoa powder, then sift it to get out any wee lumps.

Melt the chocolate, butter and nut butter together in a double boiler.  Stir and stir and add the salt.

Whisk in the egg yolks.  Whisk the whites and the 2 teaspoons of sugar to medium-ish peaks and fold in.

Whisk the cream to medium-ish peaks and fold in.

Fold in the cocoa/10x mixture.

Pour into prepared mold and chill at least 4 hours or overnight.

So, here’s how you prepare the mold.  This is how I do it, anyway:

Spray the inside of the mold with pan spray.  Then, line the mold with long strips of plastic wrap.  This part is a pain in the Self because plastic wrap likes to stick to itself and be Obnoxious.  So, here’s what you do.  Lay out two or three strips so that the long sides overlap by half the width of the wrap.  In other words, place two pieces side by side so the long sides are touching.  Put a third piece down centered on where the other two meet.  Does that even make sense?  Anyway, since we’re not working with typing paper, there will be Wrinkles and Cursing.  Just do your best and try to keep the wrinkles to a minimum.  The cursing is up to you.

Take your craft project and fit it into the mold as smoothly as possible.  It doesn’t like to go into the corners, so fit it in like you would pie crust:  lifting and pushing into place.  Once it’s as smooth as possible, or once you’re at the point where you’re ready to throw the whole Shebang against the wall, stop.  Then, when you’ve made your chocolate filling, pour it into the mold, smooth the top and fold the excess wrap over the goo.  Chill.  You chill, too–go get an Adult Beverage (this is another reason 18 month olds shouldn’t make this).

Later, unwrap the package and put the container upside down on a cooling rack or grid–a grid is better, actually.  Pull on the sides of the plastic wrap and lift up the mold.  Eventually, he will come Unstuck.  Peel off the plastic wrap and pour on a thin layer of just-barely-warm ganache.

Terrine Glaze

8 oz heavy cream
8 oz finely chopped dark chocolate (use the same kind that you used in the terrine)
2 TBSP butter
pinch o’ salt

Put the chocolate in a bowl.  Bring the heavy cream and salt just to a boil.  Remove from heat, count to ten (just to let it settle down and make sure it’s not too hot) and pour over the chocolate.  Let sit for about three minutes, and then slowly whisk to form a glossy, dark emulsion.  Hello, ganache.  Whisk in the butter.  Cool to just warm, or you’ll melt your guy.  No fun.

After you glaze your guy, put him back in the fridge so the ganache firms up some.  Then, slice and serve with some berry sauce and/or berries and/or some lightly sweetened whipped cream or crème fraîche.

Variation

Decrease butter to 5 oz and increase nut butter to 4 oz for a much more assertive nuttiness.  If you do this, I’d leave out the coffee infusion part, unless I’m using hazelnut butter.

Enjoy your slab o’ chocolate.  And if you do decide to sit on the couch and eat fudge sauce by the spoon anyway, while you’re at it, grab a spoon for me, please.