Deep Fry That Turkey!

I love to deep fry things. I think this goes back to my first real job. Real meaning when I wasn?t paid in peanuts for picking strawberries, or placing flyers on car windshields before the ?working age? of sixteen. Slaving away at McDonald's and being paid minimum wage for the first time in my life, I was stepping up in the world!

I worshipped McDonald's back then and could eat their food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for at least a week straight. My favorite job was working the fryolator. I loved watching the hot oil come alive into a monster of noise and bubbles when I dropped in fries, chicken nuggets, and Filet-O-Fishes.

Since that time I?ve been obsessed really. I fry everything I can, and have gone through multiple fryolators in my adulthood. Nothing though, captures my attention more than the giant turkey frying pot that my brother and sister-in-law bought me for Christmas one year. I love LOVE that thing.

Although now, after many years of singeing off my eyebrows and arm hair while lighting stoves and grills, I have a nice healthy phobia of propane and fire together. Jesse and Dishboy Scott had to help me by taking orders, lighting and un-lighting as I directed. For some reason I have no fear of skin melting hot oil, and ecstatically enjoyed, manically really, frying this turkey.

What I learned deep frying turkeys.


1. Make sure you have enough oil to cover the bird. You might need to go a bit above the fill line on your pot as I did, but never put in a bigger turkey than your frying instruction manual says it can handle.

2. Peanut oil is expensive and impossible to find in my 150 mile shopping radius. I used Kirkland Signature Creamy Liquid Shortening from Costco instead. It worked great and only cost about $20 for a vat I could nearly swim in. Well, if one would want to swim in creamy liquid shortening.

3. Heat the deep fryer 25 degrees above where you want to fry. I heated the oil to 350 so my final temperature was 325 degrees Fahrenheit.

4. Wear full battle rattle: Pants, closed toed shoes (no flip flops you college students!), long sleeve shirt, asbestos gloves, hat, protective eyewear, kevlar helmet, and flak vest. Oops those Army days are over. Skip the kevlar and flak vest. However, if you?re a female with long hair like I am, or Fabio, tie it back! There?s nothing like the smell of crispy fried human hair.

5. Make sure your bird is completely thawed and dry, inside and out. Very extremely incredibly exceptionally completely thawed and dry.

6. Turn off the fire before lowering in the bird. This will enable you to spend Christmas, New Years, and Valentine?s Day far away from the intensive care burn unit.

7. Lower the bird very extraordinarily painfully slowly into the oil, over about 1 ½ minutes. If the oil boils too furiously, pull the bird up a bit and try again slowly.

8. Then turn the gas back on. Monitor the temperature.

9. Cook birds for about 3 to 3 ½ minutes per pound until crispy and golden.

10. Turn off the fire before removing the bird. Again, holidays in the burn unit are no fun. Have a foil covered rimmed baking sheet very close, and lift the bird onto it.

11. Frying a turkey is fun, thrilling, and yummy, and now I want to do it every week. So please, take what I?ve learned and go forth terrified, but determined and excited.

Since I?m a turkey frying novice here's a bunch of links I used from expert turkey frying geniuses:

1. Chow?s ?How to Fry a Turkey, 10 Steps to Satisfaction?.

2. Alton Brown?s Fried Turkey episode on YouTube.

3. Gumbo Pages has lots of excellent information. They also bring up bird injections. I just fried the darn thing plain though, but I love their article.

4. EatTurkey.com. What a cool site lol! Of course they show us how to incinerate these birdies. Plus they tell us how to gauge the amount of oil to use.

5. Wikihow has a step by step guide.

6. About.com also has step by step instructions.

7. Are you tired of these yet? Yes? Convinced? No? Let?s carry on then soldier.

8. For fun, how about How NOT to Fry a Turkey on YouTube?

I could go on and on and on as Google is a god-like resource. I think you get the picture though. Deep fry, deep fry, deep fry and deep fry that Thanksgiving turkey to golden perfection. Just take those few precautions while doing so and you?ll have a beautiful golden turkey that?s crispy on the outside and juicy and perfectly cooked on the inside.

Save that carcass for broth! Those deep fried bones are a goldmine of flavor.

And as my friend Robin from Texas says, "Don't fry your turkey on your front porch like they do in Texas!" Evidently there are a number of house fires fueled by too many Bud Lights and porch turkey frying on Thanksgiving Day. Thanks Robin, I never thought of that one!

I have got to visit Texas.

Pictures and insanity provided by Laura Flowers.