New beginnings 9.23.10.

PUMPKIN OATS time 2! ... ;) Scottish oats cooked in water and autumnal spices. truvia and 1/4 pumpkin puree. banana. topped with TJ raw almond butter and farmer's market Pumpkin Butter!! this soo yummi :)

Hello loves,

I am gonna try to make this post as short as i can! I am quite sick with the flu..yeah i know, again!...I guess my immune system is pretty weak? :/ Well any way, Thursdays are my good days because i have only one class and now i am home free to get some rest! But i wanted to do a quick update because this weekend i am going to visit Maya!! I am taking a train up to her and i am SO excited to see my twinny again, its been over a month! WOW, i think that is the longest we've ever been apart, so seeing her will probably be weird, but we will have so much to talk about.

I am a bit nervous to see her though, of course so eager to just hug her and ahhh I'm so excited...Yet i am fearing that this weekend will end up being filled with a lot of bickering and fighting, and stressful ED talk etc...BUT we have made a plan to stick to conversations diverting from anything related to appearance, food, weight etc, and do things that are uplifting and fun! Also i am so looking forward to meeting her friends and spending the weekend there and to get a little glimpse of what life has been like for Maya this past month at Pratt!

So Autumn began yesterday!... Gosh my day was far from good :/
I won't dwell on it, it's all in the past and today is a New day, but i got into a minor car accident on the way to school...It was 100% my fault :/ there are no excuses for the fact that i pressed the gas petal while at a red light (oops)... :( and i hit the girl (who ironically i knew) in front of me...But my excuses are ;P i was sooo out of it, tired as heck(up since 3am) and my stupid IKEA thermos was leaking coffee all over my j.crew sweater...;P okay it was bad! lessons learned don't buy a crappy thermos from IKEA ;P just kidding...but really my lovely and understanding mom's car got really smashed in and the girl's car was like a teeny bit scratched (thankfully) and thankfully NO ONE was hurt psychically at all...Yet my mental state went down hill, i was a wreck the rest of the day, on the verge of tears and just so stressed out from the whole thing.
My mom was so nice and understanding as i said, she did not make me feel badly at all for this... but i was beating myself up all day and still am! Plus my mom's boy friend John came to the scene and i can not even put into words how lucky my mom is, he is amazing, the sweetest man ever...wish my father could be more like him! ;P but i really appreciated him being there and driving me to my psych class later on yesterday.

Breakfast from earlier this week! Apple oats (again)! ;) with goji berries (love) dried cranberries, crystallized ginger + lots of cinnamon topped with sliced almonds!

well overall i am okay, still quite on edge and shaken up by yesterday's chaos.... i feel so guilty still, i know when my dad hears about this he will blame it all on my weight and my Anorexia + he'll probably use it against me for not being healthy enough to be driving and say "i told you so..." ugh not looking forward to talking to my dad when he comes back from his vacation... :/

There is always things to learn from everything in life. I can't harp on mistakes and beat myself up over anything. Things do happen for a reason, i believe We can always change our reality and we are in control of how we handle things in life.... There is always a way out!

creamy banana oats with warm ginger, cardamom and cinnamon spiced coconut milk poured over top, with sliced almonds!...so soothing and delicious..photographed next to a little sketch/drawing i did. :)

Since it is officially now Autumn, i want to start this season with a new outlook: optimistic. hopeful. spontaneous...I plan to Work on being more calm/grounded, do things i Love, love myself and appreciate the little things in life, and most importantly take these couple of months i have to get on the path to recovery so i can go to uni! ...I CAN take charge of this reality that sucks right now..

beautiful fresh fig and a little owl.

I realize my blog has been redundant...Same old, same old...Talkin the talk never quite walkin the walk....its been too long 6 years gosh :/ but everyone gets better at their own pace...for some it may take a year or so..and for others like me, it may take 6 or more....everyone has their own individual struggles with their ED and in their life...but I realize and i know it's time to suck it up...And get healthy before this becomes a longer struggle or before its even too late... :/
I hate this, i hate my ED; being ill constantly, living each day in misery and unable to enjoy life.. I want to change and that is the first start to anything. Although wanting is not enough, i know, i must DO.
Where i am now in my life scares me...i am willing to do anything to change where i am.

Hope you all are off to a great beginning of Autumn!

~What are some things in your life that you want to change this season?

well before i go and take a nap ;) here are some photos i took last week while in the city! :)

I can't wait to update you all on how my visit to see Maya was!! ..I know it will all turn out great! :)

love.
xx
eliza