Bloated, full, feeling blah.

UGH. the past two days.. I’ve just been feeling ehh.

I haven’t done any exercise this week so far.. result: feeling FAT.

I know this is Eduardo speaking, but I can’t get the feeling to go away.

I’m not going to lie.. I know I seem positive on my blog, but I do have struggles each and every day.

Recovery is a long, strenuous process, but I have the strength.. I know I do.

The past few days have been tough for me. I just wanted to put that out there.

Sorry for starting off on a less positive note, but those are my feelings as of now.

Tomorrow is a new day. Let’s hope it’s a wonderful one for the Dulcinator. :]

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Food time..

Tuesday: Cinco de Mayo

Breakkie; stove top oats

coffee & a cookie

Worked at Swoozies from 10 until 1.

Snacked on this bar on my break..

Another delicious flavor Kardea bar. loved it.

I came home after work and made a lovely lunch.

Rudi’s Organic Bakery Multigrain Wrap with Cedar’s Garden Vegetable Hummus, swiss cheese, spinach leaves, and slices of avocado.

I also had a bowl of blackberries with a sliced peach. so fresh, so juicy, so colorful.

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After lunch, I decided to be productive. I am doing my best to get my life in order. I’ve grown so far since the fall. I am so proud of myself. I’ve gone from deep depression, extreme anxiety, and my lowest weight to hardly ever feeling depressed, no stress, and a healthy (or almost healthy) weight.

In the fall, I was in the pit of my despair. Life seemed unbearable at the University of Delaware. I was lost. Completely and utterly lost. I felt as though I would never be “me” again. Everything seemed to be a mess. The art major was way too competitive for me. It caused MAJOR stress, which I definitely didn’t need at that point in my life. I wasn’t happy at UDEL. I felt out of place, and I missed my family and friends immensely.

I somehow made it through the fall semester. I had a ton of love and support from friends and family. My psychiatrist at school was extremely helpful. Without the medication he provided and great advice he gave me, I seriously do not think I would have been able to complete the semester.

After coming home in December, I decided to reevaluate my life and bring the true inner Dulcie to the surface. It took time. It wasn’t easy. It’s STILL not easy, but I somehow overcame my depression.

I needed to start getting out in the world. Since I was taking a semester off, I needed to be active. It’s important when you’re in depression to be social. I didn’t want to sit home alone doing nothing. I knew that wouldn’t help my situation at all. I pushed myself to apply for jobs. I got extremely lucky, and I was hired for two jobs, which I absolutely love.

My jobs have truly been a wonderful experience for me. I love being busy, and I have met a lot of great people in the process.

Now, it’s time for me to take the next step. I’ve been avoiding the topic of school for awhile now. I want to further my education, but there is a fear that I will become depressed again. I also fear all the stress and high anxiety that might occur.

I want to face this fear head on. I will not let my fears stop me from pursuing my dreams.

Yesterday, I applied to the County College of Morris, which is the county college in my area. I will be a part time student there, and I will living at home. There are advantages to both. I want to take it slow with the whole school aspect. It’s been a hard transition going to UDEL and living in the dorms to coming back home to live. It will be another big transition going back to school, but I know I have the ability to do it. It will be a lot easier for me to commute to CCM and to live home. I have always been comfortable doing school work in my home, so this will definitely be a big plus. At UDEL, with my anxiety, it took a lot of time to get situated in a quiet area to do my work.

I am proud of myself for applying to the County College of Morris. I feel as though I accomplished something that I was continually putting off.

I’m sorry if this little story was triggering for anyone. I just wanted to let my feelings out.

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For din din on Tuesday, I made myself a Mexican inspired meal for Cinco de Mayo.

A chopped up Amy’s Bistro Burger, Amy’s Organic Refried Black Beans [light in sodium] topped with shredded monterey jack & cheddar cheese, and Garden of Eatin? Blue Corn Tortilla Chips.

Obviously, I was craving something sweet afterward, so I decided to go out and satisfy my craving.

I got some Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream topped with rainbow sprinkles.

The rest of the night was spent watching American Idol.

I went to bed early, because I’ve been very tired lately.

So much for that. I ended up waking up at 3am, because my prozac pill was stuck in my throat. Can you say frustrating?! I had taken my pill with water before I had gone to bed, and it didn’t seem stuck at first. I woke up panicing, because I could seriously feel the pill in my throat. I ate a cookie to try and push it down. Nope didn’t work. Drank tons of water. Nope didn’t work either. Made some tea. Nope didn’t work either.

AH, SO ANNOYING. I was up watching tv downstairs until 6am. Finally, the pill went down my throat. DAMN pill.

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Wednesday; HUMP day

I woke up at 8. Tired and cranky.

Breakkie; Stove top oats.

They weren’t up to my standards. The banana in my oats wasn’t ripe enough yet, so the banana flavor was lacking. Can’t win em all.. am I right?

Worked at Swoozies 10am until 1pm.

Lunch was the same wrap as yesterday. Delish.

This time I microwaved the wrap for 40 seconds, which made the swiss cheese all melty. YUM.

I also had an orange.

After lunch, I was really lazy. I seriously did nothing.

I wanted to take a nap before zumba tonight, because I was extremely tired from not getting enough sleep the night before.

I ended up sleeping from 3:45pm until 7pm. I slept through my zumba class which was 5pm to 6pm. My sister and mom didn’t want to wake me up, because they knew how tired I was. I was thankful that they didn’t wake me up, but at the same time, I REALLY wanted to get some exercise. I felt like a lazy bum. UGHHH.

My sister ended up going to the town carnival with her friends, and I went to Panevino for dinner with my parents. As much as I LOVE going out to dinner, I felt nervous because I hadn’t exercised and I didn’t want to feel guilty for eating a big dinner. Oh ED.. can’t you ever leave me alone?!

I started off with a salad. My favorite part was the shaved parmesan cheese on top.

For my entree, I shared a brick oven pizza with my dad.

My half was topped with mixed vegetables, and his half was plain.

It was fabulous. I love their brick oven pizzas. The mozzarella cheese was nice and melty, the vegetables were nice and fresh, and the crust was nice and crispy! I ate my entire half. I do admit.. I felt a little guilty about eating my entire half. I usually eat that much after I work out. Oh well…

I still indulged on a cannoli for dessert. [not pictured]

I came home feeling stuffed. ED was in full force, and it was hard to get him out of the picture. Eventually, he stopped bothering me, and I was able to relax.

I kept telling myself that it was NO BIG DEAL. I had a normal sized dinner, and I wasn’t going to gain any weight even if I hadn’t worked out.

Just breathe, Dulcie.

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I hope all of you had a great Wednesday!

Goodnight my loves <3