Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

This was posted by my hubby. We are finally back in our home but after much craziness!


posted by Ryan

Noelle and I just spent a fun time in Houston visiting family and eating way too much good food. Or at least, I ate way too much. Add it up, all that food goodness: Fajitas at Pappasito's, chicken schwarma at Fadi's, pan pizza from Star Pizza, roasted lamb and potatoes Christmas Eve, quiche and baked oatmeal for Christmas brunch, pork tenderloin and crannenboenchers for Christmas dinner, loaded breakfast tacos for "the-day-after" brunch, not to mention Christmas cookies, apple pie on two occasions, and a slice of cheesecake, polished off with red wine! Back to the treadmill for me this week!

The point of this post, however, is to document for posterity how it was that we got back home after this Houston trip. We had such smooth travel getting to Houston, we were quite hopeful our return trip would be the same.

BAD OMEN #1
Justin's flight was delayed 4 hours. Or, rather, Justin's flight took off, flew for 40 minutes, and returned so that the flight attendants could do a security screening of everyone's underwear. Anyway, between his tale of "there and back again," the delay did not bode well for our coming trip.

Noelle and I had a 4:15 flight out of Bush Intercontinental, therefore we planned on leaving at 1:30. This should not be a problem as we have everything packed by 1:00.

BAD OMEN #2
Ryan weighs the one suitcase we're checking and it totals at 52 lbs. What could be weighing it down? Leftover pizza and fajitas, of course! Hopefully, the airlines will overlook the "extra holiday weight."

At 1:28, Wii games finished, we are preparing to say our goodbyes to the family. This is code for Ryan is eating a pastrami and swiss sandwich standing up in the kitchen. My, it was yummy!

BAD OMEN #3
Ryan realizes he can't find his wallet. Yes, I start running around in a tizzy looking, everyone helping in the hunt. My wallet is located in the back seat of the family covered wagon, for which I am grateful that Dad did not decide to take on his cattle drive to Midland that day.

We leave only 9 minutes late and arrive to the airport with plenty of time. We stand in line to check our bag, they (thankfully) overlook the extra 2 lbs., and we arrive at security.

BAD OMEN #4
Noelle has hand-to-hand combat with a lady in line over a gray security bin. What good can come of this?!

We make it through security without further difficulties and at the gate for our flight. This reminds me to tell you our flight information:

FLIGHT #1
Northwest
Houston-Memphis, connecting Memphis-Grand Rapids
4:15-6:01, 6:40-9:29

After sitting at the gate for a bit and acquainting ourselves with the nearby "facilities," I decide to stand in line at the gate to inquire how full the flight was.

BAD OMEN #5
The man in front of me tells the gate-woman that he missed his connecting flight. Gate-woman puts man on a different flight, a Continental flight, and tells the man "to hurry" to get to the gate. After he leaves, Gate-woman-1 turns to Gate-woman-2 and says, "He's not going to make it."

I arrive at the desk and ask if the flight is full. Simple question. Gate-woman says, "No, it's not full." I express my thanks, turn to go, and hear almost from behind me, "Do you have a connection?" I say yes, from Memphis to Grand Rapids. The fateful words come--"You're not going to make it." Gate-woman says that the Memphis flight is running late and that if we take it we will miss our connection in Memphis, and that there are no other flights out of Memphis to Grand Rapids today. So, she changes Noelle and I to our second flight of the day:

FLIGHT #2
Continental
Houston-Memphis, connecting Memphis-Grand Rapids
4:05-5:40, 6:40-9:29 (original NW connection)

What about our checked bag?

BAD OMEN #6
Gate-woman replies, ominously, "Oohhh. I'll try to get it on the Continental flight in-time, but no promises." No promises it'll make it in time, or no-promises that she'll try?

However, I have no time to spend arguing with the lady, as it is 3:40 and time for:

BAD OMEN #7
When Gate-woman says, ominously, "You'll have to hurry." No kidding. What gate do we need to go to. Gate-woman says, ominously, "TERMINAL B."

Shoot. We're at Gate A10. Gate-woman says to go to A2 and take the terminal shuttle. To where, I ask? What gate?

BAD OMEN #8
Gate-woman says, "I don't know. Find out when you get to that terminal. It's time for my snack break."

This is the beginning of the stressful trip. Noelle and I deal with stress relatively differently. Noelle stews about things out-loud. She asks many questions, even if they don't have answers, and verbalizes the many reasons why the preposterous situation should not be happening. Ryan, alternatively, stews about things silently. He doesn't answer many questions, even if the answers might assauge others, and descends into militaristic precision to deal with the preposterous situation that should not be happening but IS happening. Ryan tells Noelle it's time to go. Actually, he doesn't tell her; rather, he uses hand-signals he learned from his days in the army to tell her to get up, load up, and follow. (code for: signals he learned from watching Band of Brothers). We walk quickly to gate A2 to get the terminal shuttle.

BAD OMEN #9
This "terminal shuttle" was not a a zip-zip train-like shuttle that took you to another terminal in 1.6 minutes. No, this consisted of walking the gangway, outside, to wait for a bus that will drive ever-so-slowly around the tarmac for 7 minutes. It is now 3:50, and we do not have a lot of time left to make our 4:05 flight that leaves out of the "mystery-gate."

We arrive at Terminal B and check the monitors. We're now at Gate B86, and have to travel to B61. We ask the closest airline person how far away the gate is.

BAD OMEN #10
She says, "FAR." Time for running.

Noelle grabs an empty luggage cart, we throw our bags on, AND THEY'RE OFF! 60 seconds in, and Ryan is many paces ahead! Around the bend they go, but WAIT! Noelle is now ahead! How DID that happen?! She jumped on board a golf cart! Golf-cart-woman slows down and asks if I want to ride. "No," I say and proceed to chase after the golf-cart with my push cart. This is fun, now, because Golf-cart-woman is able to say, "MAKE WAY!" and then I can run behind her with no one to impede my progress. We arrive at B61, sweaty and panting (that was Ryan), and with 10 minutes to spare. It is only 3:55 for the 4:05 flight.

BAD OMEN #11
The gate monitor says "DEPARTED," even though it was technically still 10 minutes before they were supposed to have pulled back. I'd like to show them part of the movie "Departed" about now.

After being instructed to stand in line at Continental Customer Service, I explain to the CS rep the story from Northwest. CS-rep expresses unhappiness with the Northwest Gate-woman who supposedly had rerouted other people on Continental flights they could not get to in time. What options do we have to get home tonight? CS-rep says there's only one other flight that can get us to Grand Rapids tonight, and that is:

FLIGHT #3
United
Houston-Chicago, connecting Chicago-Grand Rapids
5:28-8:12, 9:09-10:58

I say, fine. And we're booked. Where is this flight? You guessed it, back at Terminal A. Looking to pour lemon juice over a paper cut, I asked CS-rep, "What about our checked bag?"

BAD OMEN #12
She responds, "I've no idea. Ask Santa to bring you some next Christmas."

I ask, "Okay, Terminal A. What gate?"

BAD OMEN #13
She responds, "I've no idea. It's time for my snack break."

It is now 4:15, and Noelle and I can take a little more leisure getting to Terminal A for our 5:28 flight. Who would have guessed we'd have started the day on Northwest, gone to Continental, and were now on a United flight? Arriving at Terminal A via the proverbial slow-boat-to-China, we check the monitors for our United flight. Seeing that it will depart out of gate A28 and we have some extra time, Ryan decides to leave Noelle with the luggage and head back to gate A10 in hopes of finding Gate-woman to offer her something special for Christmas, courtesy of "holiday cheer." I'm also interested in locating my luggage.

At A10, Gate-woman is nowhere to be found, though a trail of damp crumbs leads behind a closed door. Gate-woman-2 asks how she can help. I explain the situation and inquire why it all happened in the first place. Gate-woman says that she is busy, about to board the late Memphis flight we were supposed to be originally on, BUT that she would transfer us to a Delta flight only one gate over, A12, which leads us to:

FLIGHT #4
Delta
Houston-Detroit, connecting Detroit-Grand Rapids
5:05-9:01, 9:55-10:51

She hurries me along, asking me to get the rest of my information from the A12 Gate-people so that she could take her snack break. I mean board her flight. I have to ask, "What about my checked luggage?"

BAD OMEN #14
She responds, "I've no idea. Check with Santa's Reindeer."

I head over to A12. It is 4:40, and they aren't too fond of having to deal with me, because they are trying to board the plane to Detroit as we speak. I explain the situation. They see that Noelle and I are on the plane manifest. Then:

BAD OMEN #15
Gate-man asks, "Can I have your ticket?"

I have no ticket. I have paper slips from Northwest, Continental, and United for pete's sake, but I have no ticket. I have whatever they've been handing me. Grumpy-gate-woman says, "You can't get on the plane without a ticket!" NO KIDDING. They do more searching in the system, I run and get Noelle, we get back and Grumpy-gate-woman prints us out boarding passes. YAY! However, I am not getting on the plane without someone telling me something about my checked bag. So, I ask Gate-man, "Is my luggage on NW flight #1, Continental flight #2, or Chicago flight #3?"

BAD OMEN #16
Gate-man says, "You'll have to check with Northwest, Continental, and United when you get to Grand Rapids. I have no idea." He then disappeared, with what looked to be a link of summer sausage.

Noelle and I are just happy to be getting on this flight. Boarding passes in hand, we pass Grumpy-gate-woman and hand our boarding passes to Gate-guard-woman. After our passes beep, she ominously says, "Please step aside" and turns to Grumpy-gate-woman, saying "They have no ticket!" Echoes ring throughout the airport, "They have no ticket! They have no ticket!" We move aside, and Grumpy-gate-woman starts typing on the computer furiously.

BAD OMEN #17
Ominously, she says, "Don't worry about it, just get on the plane, and I'll take care of the ticket situation while you're in-flight." Like I'll believe that. It's not very convincing when she then turns and leaves, saying something about "donut-deals" in concourse.

Noelle and I get on the plane. The plane is packed and we leave 35 minutes late due to a "maintenance difficulty." This was likely code for having not properly screened the flight attendants' underwear. We eventually got off the ground. Noelle and I were not seated next to each other, but we were close enought to yell. It was a long, loud, bumpy flight, but we landed, amused at the opportunity to tally the times people visited the plane-commode. Exiting the plane, we realized that due to our delay, we barely had enough time to make our connected to Grand Rapids. We hoof it to the next gate, and arrive there with no one but the Gate-woman.

Not that Gate-woman. She was probably still snacking back in Houston.

This Gate-woman was prim and proper. We handed her our boarding passes. Then:

BAD OMEN #18
The computer BEEPS, and she says, "I need to see a ticket, please." We, of course, have no ticket, and we try to explain how Houston just let two persons on board a flight during a terrorist-alert-code-orange headed to Detroit where the last terrorist was apprehended.

Thankfully, this lady must have been hungry, because she said something like, "Don't worry about it, just get on the plane, and I'll take care of the ticket situation while you're in-flight." I knew better than to ask her about luggage.

We got to Grand Rapids. No luggage was to be found on any carousel. Speaking to a Northwest customer service rep, I filed a claim. Pleaseed with myself that I actually had kept the baggage claim ticket, I asked this CS-rep, "Can you scan it and tell me where it is?"

BAD OMEN #19
CS-rep says that nothing comes up in the computer, which means the bag was never scanned, so she has no idea where it is. She says, "They're supposed to scan all the luggage, but sometimes they get behind and they just start throwing the bags in without being scanned. I'm sure it will turn up."

*@#%$#^%$

Did I mention that we had not eaten since 1? Starving we hurry to our car parked in the economy lot. However, we'd forgotten that it had snowed a lot since we had left a week ago, and Ryan had about 12 minutes of brushing, scraping, heating, and scraping to get all the ice and snow off the windshield. Dinner was at IHOP, where at least one can order a hearty omelette at midnight.

There's not much more to say, except that by this time, I am considering phoning the North Pole to ask where my luggage is.