Ramsey Rage

Ah Gordon. You’re like my own personal TV roller coaster. One minute I think you’re the dogs, the next minute I think I’ve trod in something that should have met its death with a Poopa Scoopa.

I watched the first of the two F Word semi finals last night (second is on tonight) but it was with some sadness, for an article in the Guardian at the end of 2009 had shattered my illusion that the F Word was really a battle to find the best local restaurant.

The article in question was an interview with Simon Shaw, the chef-owner of El Gato Negro, the restaurant that was pipped to the post, losing a semi final place when last week’s winners beat them by two points. The interview is well worth a read, not just because it gives an insight into how the chefs’ day pans out for the show, but more importantly, how the restaurants were chosen.

As a reviewer (and like every other serious restaurant critic) I don’t telephone ahead and announce to all and sundry that I, the King of Restaurant Reviews in the vicinity of Hannahstown Hill will be arriving for lunch. That would allow the restaurant to make sure the best chef was on hand, there were plenty on the team of waiting staff and that the restaurant was looking in tip top shape. That wouldn’t be an accurate picture for the readers now would it?

Because let’s be honest, you ring ahead all the time and announce your arrival by making a booking and sometimes the restaurants couldn’t give two shits because you’re not ’someone special’ (not that I include myself in that bracket, I’m now entering Ramsey Rage).

So why, when Gordon Ramsey decides to make a show about the best local restaurant does he and his team do just that. The show would have you believe that he, maître d Jose and Janet Street Porter had lunch in thousands of restaurants to see which ones were worthy. But the interview with Shaw paints a different picture.

Shaw says that he was first approached by the F Word production team - the guy asking him a lot of questions over the phone. At first he thought it was a wind-up and told the production guy to email him as proof. Three weeks later he had a meeting with the production team and was then told to expect a visit that Friday between 11am and 1pm. He says he expected the production team, not Ramsey, to turn up. But either way, he has a chance to get his restaurant onto national television. The red lights must have been whirring - get the place ready for action between those hours.

It’s hardly the way to find out if it’s one of the best restaurants. It reminds me of the time as a 17-year-old when my Craigavon based girlfriend made an unannounced visit to my house during the week my parents were away. Unfortunately my other girlfriend from Belfast (yes, I was a bad man back then) just happened to be in the house at that time. Had I known, I’d have tidied her up and put her away in a cupboard somewhere.

Ramsey is constantly beating the drum about consistency, but how can you really get a list of restaurants for a competition to find the best local place when you’re giving them all notice that they’ll be checked out with a specific date and time. Then last night he had the gall to be upset that two of the restaurants visited by his ‘undercover diners’ didn’t meet up to the standards.

Shaw also hints in the interview that he believes Ramsey favoured his competitor, Lola Rojo, in the kitchen when he won (though the diners were the ones who made the decision and put El Gato Negro through). He seemed to be quite like that last night with the eventual winner of the semi-final, Lasan. Though in fairness it was the worthy winner. It begs the question though, how were the semi finals split up, they weren’t split up in the order of shows, though I can’t find the final leader board anywhere online so it could have been the decider.

It matters not though, the programme itself is flawed. Well done Gordo, I’m at the bottom of the roller coaster again with vomit all over my face from the sickly kid in the cart in front of me.