Pour Your Heart Out-Depression

I have wanted to share about this topic for some time. It is hard to put into words since there are friends and family who do not know I went through a time last year when I was extremely depressed. The reason I am sharing is not because I want someone to feel sorry for me. I want moms or women out there to know it can happen and you might not know what is going on.



Last November I was summoned to Jury Duty. No big deal right? I felt really nervous about it and not sure why. I have served on several juries in my life so this was nothing new. I called in on Sunday night and I had been dismissed for Monday and Tuesday was the Veterans Day holiday. For two days I was safe. That entire week I felt nauseous, sick to my stomach. I thought it was just a virus. Tuesday night I called in to see if my group had been called and I had been dismissed! That was great since I still wasn't feeling well.



Next was Thanksgiving. Hubby and I decided to host both of our families for the holiday. It was fun and went off without a hitch. The following week I began feeling ill again. I also need to share that during this time that the kids were sick off and on with fevers, upset stomachs, sore throats etc. December came and went with both hubby and I sick to our stomachs a good portion of the month. We just couldn't figure out why we were feeling so crappy.



By the second week of January I could not hold it together at all. I was so tired of being sick and I was emotionally raw. I cried if my hubby called home to see how I was. I forced myself to get up every morning and fix the kids breakfast. Our son was in afternoon kindergarten so as soon as I got him on the bus, I would come home and take a nap. I felt so useless...it took everything out of me to take care of the house, groceries and my love for shopping was absolutely gone!



Hubby came home one night after work and said "I think you need to call the doctor". I decided that it had been long enough feeling this way and I needed to do something. I cried the entire time I was on the phone with the receptionist making my appointment. I can remember going into the doctor's office and the nurse came out to get me. As soon as we were in the exam room the tears began to flow and I told her I felt useless.  I could not take care of my family!  She said everything was going to be okay.



I could not get into my doctor but was able to see someone else.  To this day I still go back to just her!  She listened and asked questions as I went on about my symptoms.  I had been having hot flashes and figured it might be the start of menopause since my mom had gone through it at a very young age.  The doctor said that the hot flahes were actually panic attacks and that she felt I was depressed.  She put me on some medication to see if that would help.



I checked in with her pretty frequently in the beginning.  I can remember one day sitting in the waiting room reading an article on depression and I had every single symptom.  I honestly would never had thought this was what was going on.  I am on my way back to myself.  Some days are harder than others but 95% of them are great!  I still haven't found that "love" for shopping all day yet but I can go shopping and get the things we need now.  I have found a love for reading.  Last year I started reading books and it was a great escape.  I do love going to Borders and browsing and buying new books.



I tell you this because there might be someone out there who doesn't have the tell-tell signs of depression.  It can mask itself like it did with me.  Talk to your doctor if you don't feel right!  It's so good feeling good!