Vegan Roasted Garlic Caesar Salad with Home-Made "Buttery" Croutons

I made quite possibly one of the best or most toxic decisions of my life yesterday: I bought a vacuum cleaner. For those that know me well, I have this very out of character cleaning neurosis. I say "out of character" because, on the surface, I:

A) Wear the same pair of jeans almost every day
B) Wear the same 4 t-shirts over and over again
C) Wear the same pair of shoes every day
D) Do not use any hair product
E) Do not wear any kind of make-up...even Chap Stick
F) There is always bird shit on my car (this one drives me up walls. It's because of my parking spot. I've surrendered.)
G) I basically look like a 14 year old stoner, and stoners are notoriously dirty.
H) Am a lesbian

Points A-H would logically lead others to believe that I am one gigantic slob. Pizza boxes, Chinese take-out containers and boxers should rightfully liter the landscape of my 2 bedroom.

I assure you, it's spotless.

To me, the weirdest part of my tidiness is that it seemingly sprung out of no-where. When I lived at home as a teenager, I was a stoner slob. My mother's cleaning lady even complained to her that if she found one more ounce of rotting food in my bedroom, she quite simply wouldn't clean it. My poor mother, fearing what my room just might look like if it were never cleaned by human hands, gave me a firm talking to that evening. It didn't help.

Then, I moved out on my own. Almost instantaneously, I became a fanatic about the cleanliness of my living space. I notice small "dirty" spots that no normal human being would notice. I'm doing my best to ignore them. I can let something go for a day or two, but it still haunts me. An analyst would probably tell me I have "control issues" with myself, so I take it out on filth. But really...I think I just like shit clean. I'm pretty great at letting go and trusting the universe and all that hooey.

Yes, my new vacuum is gorgeous. It's lime green. It sparkles. It's Eco-friendly, and allows me to suck-up pet hair on my couch faster than I can find a hooker in Vegas. My hope is that it will not help me clean more, but that it will help me spend less time doing so.

Oh yes, the recipe. I love a good Caesar salad, but unfortunately cannot order it at most restaurants because it contains *yuck* eggs and sea-creatures. I promised a few months ago that I would post some more "simple" recipes, and I have faltered slightly.

Well, at least there's one thing I can add to my "Not Neurotic About" list: Embracing faults.