Pizza ? the food of Kings.

Ok ok ok.  We all know the drill. Flat piece of spongy dough  (sometimes helped along by some sort of wet filling, usually garlicky cheesey green snot) with mountains of greasy topping and inches of oozing cheese.

For those of you expecting something along those lines, please change the channel or switch off your receiver now.

Every food culture in the world has some sort of flatbread. Some (like the amazing Roti bread from India) are eaten without topping, to mop up sauce or stew, but most are eaten with some sort of meat on top, either rolled up or flat out. Yes – the Turkish kebab, the Indian naan bread, the French crepe, the Greek souvlaki and gyros, the Anatolian Lahmacun – and even in Germany, Flammkuchen - the list goes on. But surely the king of all, is Italy’s most famous export, the lord of the villa, the one and only - Pizza.

If anyone even dares to come near me with something that has more than 3-4 ingredients on top, I will beat you with a Grissini of fury. Just try it!

The way pizzas should be made is (yes I am ordering you to obey me) with good quality ingredients, put on top of a yeast filled (VERY THIN) dough base, covered with tomato sauce (yes I will give you the recipe for the best and quickest version, none of that ONLY tomato paste from a can bullshit) and sparingly dotted with Mozarella cheese.

Throw it in to a roaring hot oven for 5 minutes. Literally. That is it.

Pizza is like an old friend to me. We see each other, our eyes light up and once more we feel content, knowing the other one is safe, alive and just as good as ever. I don’t usually go in for favourites, but of late the salami pizza we have been making is winning me round. There is nothing better than pulling a pefectly cooked pizza out of the oven, a few scorch marks on top, not too crispy on the bottom and the spots of cheese oozing till they meet each other, and covering it with a thin line of green extra virgin olive oil. These things usually don’t make it out of our kitchen, instead they are devoured, standing up at the counter.

This should be something that everyone makes once a fortnight (here it’s more like twice a week..). It is SO easy. You just need some nice ingredients, a little time and a nice hot oven. It can be a one man/woman job. It can be a three person job. Kids can help. Adults can help. If you’re feeling adventurous, I’m sure you could find a job for a pet or two.

That’s not to say I’m taking away from American Pizza – that is to say, New York Style deep pan pizzas. But in MY book, they shouldn’t be counted in an observation of the great food – the Americn pizza is a completely different thing altogether – it evolved, like so many other things (Halloween, St Patricks Day) because a group of migrants set up something that thought Americans would like. When it’s done well, it is good – far be it from me to say otherwise, I have been known to enjoy a pizza with pepperoni or Pineapple on it as much as the next guy. But it’s not PIZZA. It’s not like this.

So I’ll start with my favourite. The best thing about Pizza is you can put ANYTHING you want on top. As I said, it is best to have about 3 ingredients, or the flavours get crowded and it turns into something from Pizza Hut. If you make these pizzas thin enough, one person can eat anything up to two whole pizzas by themselves (if you’re hungry), which is good, because the dough recipe gives you heaps.

Really good quality salami – something you can see the fat in, possibly something with a little spice, or chilli. I’ve been known to use Chorizo, because I love the Paprika-ry oil that cooks out of it onto the pizza. Thinly sliced red capsicum and red onion. Lay the salami, over the base, so each prospective piece gets a slice, then the capsicum, and onion, not too much of either – don’t be afraid to leave tomato base showing, thats where the cheese pools – thats the best bit. Half a standard ball of mozarella is ALL you need for a regular sized pizza. Rip into chunks, dot around the pizza wherever you feel like. That’s all there is to it. Or you could quickly sautee some swiss chard, or Spinach – lay it around the pizza with some finely chopped garlic, leave a circle in the middle of the pizza and just before it goes in the oven, crack a free range egg in the middle. Don’t be scared, if your oven is hot enough, the yolk will still be runnny when it comes out!

Or parboil some potatoes – slice them up as thin as you can – rather than using a tomato base, make a paste of smashed garlic, olive oil and a little white wine – lay potatoes on top of this, to cover the pizza, sprinkle with chopped rosemary – and a lot of parmesan (no mozza on this one). This one needs HEAVY salting, but it is worth it. If you have it – lay some bacon rashers out on top as well – but use a little less salt.

On market day, we like to simply walk through and see what catches our eye – this is how great, seasonal, spontaneous Pizzas are born. One week, we bought two yellow zucchini’s, as well as a green. Grab a vegetable peeler, and instead of peeling the whole outside,  then peel one line of outside skin. Just continue to peel through the zucchini until you are  left with nothing but a husk, and lots of incredibly thin, silky strips of zucchini – layer with spicy salami or Spanish Serrano ham, on a tomato base and add Mozzarella. Incredible.

L’s favourite is something I looked down upon before she forced me to try it. Tomato base. Good quality streaky bacon, again with some manly FAT in it - this is what makes it crispy and tasty – the pink bit really plays second fiddle. Again, leave a circle on space in the middle – sprinkle the top with finely chopped garlic – maybe a few wafer thin slice of onion – then crack a big free range egg into the middle. I know it’s Bacon and Eggs – but then again, I like that meal on its own, so on Pizza, I guess it HAD to be better. It was. With the right amount of pepper – and only Parmesan cheese.

The reason I didn’t give a recipe in regular format, for the pizza toppings is because – I’m just writing about what we like to do – what we like to eat, buy and grow (YES all the rosemary used is from our windowbox ). The beauty of Pizza is you can put whatever you WANT on top. Think yourself on par with Italian peasants that ate it for centuries (the first example being in Naples in the 16th century) with Royalty that created the Margherita, in honour of the Queen consort of Seville in 1889. Sing opera – say bongiourno, call youself  Tony and grow a moustache if you want.  You will, of course, love it – and the tradition that has come from so many places, so many seasons ago, will be passed on as it was always meant to be. Growing, changing and living by itself. There’s no longer a need for takeaway – this takes as long as picking up the phone and costs a 2oth of the price.

?Just try not to use any more than 4 ingredients….. and not too much cheese. Please just give me that.

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Basic Pizza Dough Recipe:

Makes 3 pizzas – enough for two people, even if you don’t think you’re hungry enough, believe me you will be.

500 grams of Flour (preferably one with a high-gluten content)

One 20g sachet of Yeast – or HALF a cube of fresh yeast

Pinch of Sea-salt

About 325mls lukewarm Water

2 tbls Olive Oil

Disolve the yeast into the lukewarm water, adding the Olive Oil and mixing until combined. It is important that the water is not to hot, or to cold, otherwise you will kill the yeast, and that is never fun. Leave the liquid to sit and fill a reasonably large bowl with the flour, making a well in the center with your hand. Pour 1/3 of the water into the well, and with a fork, drag and mix the flour with the water. Continue, adding the water bit by bit, until all is combined. At this point it’s your call – the only thing I can guarantee is that it won’t be right yet! Either to sticky or too dry, (usually the former) add flour or water accordingly. Mix together with fork quickly until you see it coming together, ie away from the edges of the bowl.

Cover with clingfilm, or a damp tea towel and leave in a warm place, for 45 minutes to an hour, to let the yeast do its thing. It doesn’t matter how long you leave it REALLY – it just means you will have more dough!

After it has been left – it should have at least doubled in size – turn out onto heavily floured work surface, and flour the top before bringing it together and kneading it. Punch the air out of it, turning the dough in a circular motion until you are happy with how it looks. Preheat your oven AS HOT AS IT GETS. Our oven goes to 275celsius, and that’s still not enough.

Divide into three and roll out to the size of your pizza trays. Top with tomato sauce (see below), whatever topping and cheese you see fit. Watch it cook – should only be 3-5 minutes before it comes out bubbling and crispy!

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Pizza Base Sauce:

4 cloves of Garlic (sliced)

2 tins of chopped tomatoes/Large bottle of your favourite passata

Basil (optional)

Olive Oil

Salt and Pepper

In a frying pan, put in a nice big lug of Olive oil. Well the oil is REALLY hot, add the garlic and let it sizzle until it gets a nice light brown. Add the basil leaves if you like basil (L does not) and wait till you hear them sizzle. Season with lots of sea salt and pepper – then throw the tomatoes into the pan and leave the heat on a medium-high. After about 3-4 minutes, push the mixture through a sieve into a small saucepan. Simmer the now-smooth sauce over a low heat, until slightly thickened.

Don’t use too much sauce on the pizza base, it will make it too soggy. Usually one or two tablespoons is enough.

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